Herpes and dating stories
Herpes and dating stories - world women dating site
“This isn’t everyone’s experience, but when I started dating with herpes, I found out none of my partners cared.”Although she sees that it’s intriguing to potentially avoid attachment—and thus heartbreak—by telling someone right out the gate, she makes an excellent point in favor of taking your time: “Nobody tells you all of the things about themselves that you usually don’t find out for a bit, like they have really bad credit or they’re a horrible cook, until you get to know each other.” Of course, it’s different with a health condition you can pass to someone else, but it’s worth noting.Although they tell potential partners at different points in the relationship, Carlson and Davis’ actual disclosure process is pretty similar.
So having herpes is my excuse to go to bed at a reasonable hour, or opt for a cab versus crashing on a friend’s couch.
If you’ve just been diagnosed with herpes, you may be worrying that your life (or at least your love life) is over - I know I thought so when I first learned of my condition.
But I, and countless others, can attest that it is still possible to lead a normal life with herpes. Herpes will not stand in the way of your love life.
Jenelle Marie Davis, 34, of Grand Rapids, Michigan, will gladly explain why having herpes isn’t the end of the world. It took years for Davis, founder of The STD Project, which encourages awareness and acceptance of various sexually transmitted diseases, and spokesperson for Positive Singles, a dating site for people with STDs, to come to terms with the diagnosis she got at age 16.“My mom says the entire way home from my appointment, I cried and said no one would ever love me, no one would ever want me, and I’d never get married,” Davis tells SELF.
When she was diagnosed with herpes almost three years ago, Whitney Carlson, 29, a social media editor in Chicago, had a similar reaction.
On sites like Positive Singles and HMates, users are expected to be open about their diagnoses, but because they know everyone else there has an STD, too, it removes a huge barrier—and the question of whether the information will send a potential partner packing.“It’s a great way to see you’re still the same interesting, sexy, desirable person,” Davis says.
“It helps rebuild the confidence that gets hammered down when you get that diagnosis.” (She is a spokesperson for Positive Singles, but she’s never used any STD-specific dating site.)Carlson, who got back into dating via this kind of site after her diagnosis, agrees.
In fact, it may even be possible to see some positive consequences of contracting herpes. Many people don’t buy into the stigma around herpes, and will still want to be with you, regardless of the fact that you have it.
There are plenty of us, myself included, who have had successful relationships with people who don’t have herpes.
But all the self-acceptance in the world doesn’t erase the fact that a herpes diagnosis creates ripple effects of shame and social isolation, and the fallout is especially pronounced when it comes to your dating life.“It’s good to have the conversation because there is a potential risk of transmission,” Cherrell Triplett, M.
D., an ob/gyn who practices at Southside OBGYN and Franciscan Alliance in Indianapolis, Indiana, tells SELF.
Although telling someone you’re interested in can be intimidating, there are different ways to do it, and you might find one easier than the others.